Saving the Cocktail Party
This edition of J-79 will do what no one has ever attempted in the history of the universe. We will unite Ugans and Gators to fight side by side, hand in hand, together against the forces of political correctness that seek to remove a piece of tradition from this great gridiron rivalry.
Since the 1950’s the annual meeting between UGA and Florida has been referred to as “The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.” In case you haven’t heard, fifty years of history is under attack. There is a movement to have the phrase “Cocktail Party” publicly banned when referring to the UGA-UF game.
Mike Slive, commissioner of the SEC, has contacted CBS Sports, ESPN, and JP Sports requesting that they not use the term, “Cocktail Party”, when referring to the UGA-Florida game. And he has the backing of some UGA and Florida officials. This is in response to some unfortunate “alcohol related” events that led to the deaths of a couple of fans. Last year a man was beaten to death in downtown Jacksonville after the UGA-UF game, and two years ago a drunken UF student died when he fell off the top of a parking garage, and of course this is all a direct result of the game being called, "The Cocktail Party".
Chuck Toney, the spokesman for Georgia said, “We don't like the phrase. We don't use the phrase. We would prefer that nobody use the phrase.” Greg McGarity, UF's senior associate athletic director, said both schools are “concerned about alcohol abuse and the slogan is in conflict with the message the universities are trying to send to their students.”
But they do have a point. The dangers of the phrase “Cocktail Party” go way beyond football. Last week our preacher was scheduled to give a sermon entitled, “The Cocktail Party.” Bad idea. I think you can guess how that turned out. The entire congregation showed up in the parking lot three hours early, and we got drunker than a bunch of big indians. The youth minister brought a tray of jello shooters, the ushers were doing keg stands, and the choir sang "We Will Rock You" during the "Clergy Walk". Then we all ran across the street in a drunken rage and beat the total crap out of the Baptists. It was ugly. If only Mike Slive had been there none of this would have happened. Be very careful when using the phrase “Cocktail Party”. Its dangerous.
I’m glad that UT fans just refer to the game as the UT-Bama game, or the UT-UGA game, etc. That way we “send the right message”, and because we don't use alcohol-related terms to describe our rivalries, I am proud to say that there has never been a single alcoholic beverage consumed in the vicinity of Neyland Stadium.
Come to think of it, if Mike Slive's logic is correct, it’s only a matter of time until spectators at the Iron Bowl start beating each other senseless with railroad irons, steel I-beams, and old rusted out car parts. But hey, at least they won’t be drinking…
I don’t think I can make my point any better than that, but nevertheless, I’ll dust off the J-79 Bullshit Filter…
You can’t cure cancer simply by banning the word “cancer”. If it was that easy we'd all have medical degrees in oncology from the Mike Slive School of Medicine, and everybody would live to be 100...not to compare the UGA-UF game to cancer, but hopefully you get the point. You could call the game, “The World’s Largest Outdoor Seventh Day Adventist Convention”, ask every fan to bring a canned good to fight hunger in Ethiopia, and donate all ticket sales to the global AIDS fund, but as long as 40,000 Ugans and 40,000 Gators are in the same city to watch football, there’s gonna be some drinking, there’s gonna be some fighting, and somebody might die. Banning the phrase, “Cocktail Party”, changes nothing.
On behalf of all Ugans and Gators…SCREW YOU MIKE SLIVE!
Lastly, this little nugget. On the same subject, there is no limit to the extent our lawmakers will go in order to do nothing. They will do anything to avoid doing something constructive, as long as the perception is that they care (kinda like Slive). Nobody has ever worked harder at doing nothing than our politicians in D.C. Here’s the latest proof…by a vote of 63-34, the Senate approved a measure that declares English as the “official language of the United States.” Well, whoopediedoo! Way to go Senate! Take a stand! Geezus, I’m about to lose my mind!
This isn’t immigration reform; this is tourism brochure material…Hi there, and thank you for coming to Tennessee. The official tree of the State of Tennessee is the Tulip Poplar, the official bird is the Mockingbird, the official animal is the Tennessee Walking Horse, the official reptile is the Eastern Box Turtle, and the official language is English. We hope you enjoy your stay…
Well gosh dang, I guess I better think twice about planting a dogwood tree. The state of Tennessee strictly enforces rules against people who violate the official symbols of the state. We’re protecting our heritage, and we’ll put you in jail if you hang a hummingbird feeder in the land of the Mockingbird. Must I be any more sarcastic to communicate to you the complete idiocy of this “English is our official language” bullcrap?
What in the flip does this accomplish! Not a goddern thing! This is nothing but a spur-of-the-moment political move to throw a bone to the vast majority of people who want something done, and for our lawmakers to think that we actually buy this bullshizzle as a real solution is an insult to our intelligence. This is Republicans doing this crap! They must think we’re absolute idiots!
As if the Republicans hadn’t done enough to make themselves look like clueless idiots, the Democrat’s response to this is even more devoid of logic. Republicans are doing nothing about illegal immigration, yet still they’ve managed to piss off Democrats. Democrats are pissed because they think that this toothless, window-dressing, grandstanding, no-consequence legislation of English as the official language is racist. Harry Reid said so. Tomorrow I think he’s scheduled to speak in Nashville on behalf of all dogwood trees who feel uncomfortable in the state of the Tulip Poplar, and the day after that he’s speaking in Knoxville on behalf of all migrant Alabamans who are unhappy with the fact that Rocky Top is the official song of Tennessee. That’s not a very welcoming sign to send to our neighbors from Alabama, and we’ll throw your ass in jail if you sing Sweet Home Alabama here. That’s just racist, and to use the logic of Mike Slive, “it just doesn’t send the right message.”
I think Democrats and Republicans are having a Dumb and Dumber contest.
Since the 1950’s the annual meeting between UGA and Florida has been referred to as “The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.” In case you haven’t heard, fifty years of history is under attack. There is a movement to have the phrase “Cocktail Party” publicly banned when referring to the UGA-UF game.
Mike Slive, commissioner of the SEC, has contacted CBS Sports, ESPN, and JP Sports requesting that they not use the term, “Cocktail Party”, when referring to the UGA-Florida game. And he has the backing of some UGA and Florida officials. This is in response to some unfortunate “alcohol related” events that led to the deaths of a couple of fans. Last year a man was beaten to death in downtown Jacksonville after the UGA-UF game, and two years ago a drunken UF student died when he fell off the top of a parking garage, and of course this is all a direct result of the game being called, "The Cocktail Party".
Chuck Toney, the spokesman for Georgia said, “We don't like the phrase. We don't use the phrase. We would prefer that nobody use the phrase.” Greg McGarity, UF's senior associate athletic director, said both schools are “concerned about alcohol abuse and the slogan is in conflict with the message the universities are trying to send to their students.”
But they do have a point. The dangers of the phrase “Cocktail Party” go way beyond football. Last week our preacher was scheduled to give a sermon entitled, “The Cocktail Party.” Bad idea. I think you can guess how that turned out. The entire congregation showed up in the parking lot three hours early, and we got drunker than a bunch of big indians. The youth minister brought a tray of jello shooters, the ushers were doing keg stands, and the choir sang "We Will Rock You" during the "Clergy Walk". Then we all ran across the street in a drunken rage and beat the total crap out of the Baptists. It was ugly. If only Mike Slive had been there none of this would have happened. Be very careful when using the phrase “Cocktail Party”. Its dangerous.
I’m glad that UT fans just refer to the game as the UT-Bama game, or the UT-UGA game, etc. That way we “send the right message”, and because we don't use alcohol-related terms to describe our rivalries, I am proud to say that there has never been a single alcoholic beverage consumed in the vicinity of Neyland Stadium.
Come to think of it, if Mike Slive's logic is correct, it’s only a matter of time until spectators at the Iron Bowl start beating each other senseless with railroad irons, steel I-beams, and old rusted out car parts. But hey, at least they won’t be drinking…
I don’t think I can make my point any better than that, but nevertheless, I’ll dust off the J-79 Bullshit Filter…
You can’t cure cancer simply by banning the word “cancer”. If it was that easy we'd all have medical degrees in oncology from the Mike Slive School of Medicine, and everybody would live to be 100...not to compare the UGA-UF game to cancer, but hopefully you get the point. You could call the game, “The World’s Largest Outdoor Seventh Day Adventist Convention”, ask every fan to bring a canned good to fight hunger in Ethiopia, and donate all ticket sales to the global AIDS fund, but as long as 40,000 Ugans and 40,000 Gators are in the same city to watch football, there’s gonna be some drinking, there’s gonna be some fighting, and somebody might die. Banning the phrase, “Cocktail Party”, changes nothing.
On behalf of all Ugans and Gators…SCREW YOU MIKE SLIVE!
Lastly, this little nugget. On the same subject, there is no limit to the extent our lawmakers will go in order to do nothing. They will do anything to avoid doing something constructive, as long as the perception is that they care (kinda like Slive). Nobody has ever worked harder at doing nothing than our politicians in D.C. Here’s the latest proof…by a vote of 63-34, the Senate approved a measure that declares English as the “official language of the United States.” Well, whoopediedoo! Way to go Senate! Take a stand! Geezus, I’m about to lose my mind!
This isn’t immigration reform; this is tourism brochure material…Hi there, and thank you for coming to Tennessee. The official tree of the State of Tennessee is the Tulip Poplar, the official bird is the Mockingbird, the official animal is the Tennessee Walking Horse, the official reptile is the Eastern Box Turtle, and the official language is English. We hope you enjoy your stay…
Well gosh dang, I guess I better think twice about planting a dogwood tree. The state of Tennessee strictly enforces rules against people who violate the official symbols of the state. We’re protecting our heritage, and we’ll put you in jail if you hang a hummingbird feeder in the land of the Mockingbird. Must I be any more sarcastic to communicate to you the complete idiocy of this “English is our official language” bullcrap?
What in the flip does this accomplish! Not a goddern thing! This is nothing but a spur-of-the-moment political move to throw a bone to the vast majority of people who want something done, and for our lawmakers to think that we actually buy this bullshizzle as a real solution is an insult to our intelligence. This is Republicans doing this crap! They must think we’re absolute idiots!
As if the Republicans hadn’t done enough to make themselves look like clueless idiots, the Democrat’s response to this is even more devoid of logic. Republicans are doing nothing about illegal immigration, yet still they’ve managed to piss off Democrats. Democrats are pissed because they think that this toothless, window-dressing, grandstanding, no-consequence legislation of English as the official language is racist. Harry Reid said so. Tomorrow I think he’s scheduled to speak in Nashville on behalf of all dogwood trees who feel uncomfortable in the state of the Tulip Poplar, and the day after that he’s speaking in Knoxville on behalf of all migrant Alabamans who are unhappy with the fact that Rocky Top is the official song of Tennessee. That’s not a very welcoming sign to send to our neighbors from Alabama, and we’ll throw your ass in jail if you sing Sweet Home Alabama here. That’s just racist, and to use the logic of Mike Slive, “it just doesn’t send the right message.”
I think Democrats and Republicans are having a Dumb and Dumber contest.
posted by J-79 at 3:37 PM
2 Comments:
Shane,
Not so fast on the official language argument, my friend. Think Canada - English and French are both the official language; therefore, all government signs are in both languages (I spent 13 months working in Toronto (where English is predominant) and I'm serious here - all highway signs are written in both languages). It's costly to do this.
Now take the US, which had no official language. It was only a matter of time before people started arguing that government information (highway signs, tax forms, government web sites, the US Constitution, just to name a few) should be presented in both English and Spanish. Why stop there, though? Once that argument is made, the argument for adding other languages cannot be far behind.
I don't think having an official language for the country is a bad idea, nor do I think it's impractical (I believe we were one of the few, if not the only, indutstrialized nations not to have one). Think of the expense of simply adding one language (like Canada does) to EVERY official government document - it would get very expensive very quickly and we'd all be talking about how the government is wasting our money in that regard.
-Rich
PS - Thanks for the commentary on the idiocy of changing the nickname of our beloved game.
Thanks Rich,
I didn't think of it in those terms. You made a good point about the government expenses associated with bilingualism. In theory I agree with you, but you’re wrong if you think this bill will save money.
Though it hasn’t expanded to road signs yet, the U.S. government ALREADY offers websites and other documents and resources in Spanish and many other languages.
Go to the website, http://www.firstgov.gov/Espanol/About_Us_English.shtml. It’s a U.S. government-operated website that says it is, “the U.S. government's new gateway to thousands of government resources-all in Spanish and developed by, and for, Spanish speakers.” It’s basically a multilingual roadmap to U.S. government services. This site also has links for people who speak Cambodian, Cantonese, Portugese, Russian, Thai, Japanese, Arabic, Laotian, Italian, and just about every other language spoken on this planet.
Just last week the congress voted to uphold a provision of the Voter’s Rights Act of 1965 that mandates ballots be provided in languages other than English.
This official language law accomplishes absolutely nothing. It comes at a time when Americans are fed up with illegal immigration and was done ONLY as a toothless symbolic gesture, nothing more. Don’t be fooled into thinking this law accomplishes anything. It will never be enforced in the way you’re talking about. It should be, but it won’t.
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